Oh, You Know Him, He's the Other Penguin

It has come to my attention that when I begin telling a story, I always explain the characters of my tale in the same way.   Every. Single. Time.

These are stories about people I know, not stories about Disney characters.  At first, I was doing it out of sheer convenience for the audience of my kick ass stories.  I always find myself wanting to explain who the eff I am talking about and frankly I'm pretty bad at describing what people look like.

Yeah, he's like not short, but not tall....I donno!  He has eyes and hair.

So after our Halloween party, a light bulb went off.  [Insert thought bubble]...I'll just explain who I'm talking about by referring to them by their costume, GENIOUS!! Take note:


She was one of the Kardashians....no no, that was Kim, Fox was the mom.

Yah, my friend Faith the one that lives in nh.....Operation??

Moose and her husband, yeah I mean Mario & Luigi...

Yeah I'm just going to hang out with  my roommate tonight...yep that's her, the green troll

Mmmm hmmm she was the tiger her fiance was Roy

Yah my friend that threw up off the chairlift last weekend, that was Snooki

Oh, you know him, he's the other Penguin


So, be wary of what you decide to dress as for my parties because it will follow you around for a full calendar year.  It's my world, you're just livin' in it.  Okay, let's put this into practice for you kids now.

It's prezzy weekend so obvi we were going to rage slash sunday funday.  A few prezzy days back I blessed you all with the gem that was Hangovahs, yeah you're welcome.  This is all you get this year, sowwy.

We had a crew out yesterday. Kris, Khloe and Kim Kardashian, Mario sans Luigi, the Hulk, Richard Simmons (moi), and Penguin 1 and Penguin 2 (maybe even a few more I can't recall).

Penguin 2 was celebrating his 29th Birthday, hard, and were all right there with him (while also celebrating some dead presidents as well).  Everyone was having a jovial time, triple fisting John Daly's, smashing free shots of Doctor off our foreheads, and whipping out dance moves like the Bernie (at like 2 p.m.).

So Penguin 2 had a few too many bevs and my bum may or may have not been slapped once or twice.  I have to take into account that based on what I was wearing, in his mind, I was asking for it.  I may return to my old reliable saying no popprincess, spandex are not pants.

A few words were said and we moved on from that but an hour or so later, Moose decided to orchestrate a Bernie-off between me and Penguin 1.  Again, I was putting myself into this situation...who the eff Bernies at Stats at all, let alone at 2:00p.m. on a Sunday....but I digress...

I was just getting into my groove and I felt a some sort of wetness dripping down my head.

OMG, Penguin 2 just poured beer on my head! WTF! 

So then I (Richard Simmons), grab Kris Kardashian and tell her what happened.  Kris, the mom that she is talked me off the ledge much like when Kim was crying about her new nudey pics.  Kris is such a great Mom.

Then the Hulk and Penguin 1 got into a small but noticeable argument with Penguin 2 (thanks for sticking up for Richard dudes).  To the best of my knowledge I do not believe that any punches were exchanged, but shortly after Penguin 2 was removed from the bar.  Sowwy Penguin 2.

The worst part about the situation is that we didn't even get to declare a winner.  One word for you Penguin 1: Rematch.

In case you are curious, things are okay between me and Penguin 2.  Nothing that a facebook friendship request and an apology text can't cure! If you're reading this P2, you owe me a John Daly's or 6 the next time we're out around town, mmmk?

To top it all off I ended my night by capping off my weekend with not just a 1-2 punch of Friday & Saturday night at the Whiskey Priest.  You guessed it make that 3 nights in a row at Whiskey Priest.  Aww yah, Whiskey Priest hat trick aww yah.  Richard Simmons needs a live change ASAP. 

Until next time,
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