Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Want to move up to A?

As you may know, I play in quite a few adult sporting leagues (which include, but are not limited to: soccer, lacrosse, kickball, softball etc.). 

I'm terrible at saying no to these things.  Last year I somehow agreed to be the goalie in a Sunday Women's soccer league all the way in Newton

The time and location are probably why I had to fake a death in the family because I was out celebrating Beej's bday (and toads obvi wasn't going to make it to a 8AM game). Nonetheless, people ask and ask and I continually agree to join these teams with friends and friend of friends. 

Back in January my friend J$ asked if I wanted to join yet another team.  Sure! I thought, right up the street and not on the weekend, SOLD. 

So J$ picks me up for our first game.  As we were getting out of the car....

Me:So how do you know the guys on this team, from college?
J$: oh, I don't know anyone on this team, I just signed us up as individuals

WHAAAAT? Dear god! Talk about awkward.  Are these all of the lonely people in the city of Boston looking for friends? The folks looking for some fun/social scene while playin' the good 'ole game of soccer? Listen,  I have enough friends. I def don't need anymore strangers that want to be my friend.  No, none of you can be in my 5.

So we show up, sign in, get our jerseys and we're effing brown, BROWN.  I have every color of the rainbow from the BSSC, FSSC, CSI, FBI or whatever the heck sporting league I've been in.  The crap Brown shirt we get reads:

We put the fun back into sports.

Honestly? This is what you're going with? There's no creativity here. It actually doesn't even make sense.  I don't see the play on words with fun and sports, and to add insult to injury I have to wear this shirt week after week.  Dear person who made up the slogan, you're fired.

So J$ and I are warming up, kicking the ball around and I was all "wait why is our team name B12?"  Then I look to the field next to us I see some super athletic dudes and dudettes warming up and realize...

 "OMG, we're on the effing B team?".  Then I take a gander at the other idiots in shit brown jerseys and realize, yup 100% on the B team: we have a hippy with long hair, some slightly out of shape folks (myself excluded), a married couple, and a token foreigner...WHAT IS HAPPENING!!

With the exception of 8th grade basketball and 5th grade travel soccer I was never, ever on the B team.  I have to say, I might have lost my touch a bit, but god damn it I belong with the the athletic has-beens!  Not in a hodge-podge group of misfits!

Well, turns out our hodge-podge crew is actually stellar.  The wife of the married couple is a rock-star, and some of the out-of-shape looking people are sneaky athletic.  Go crap colored team, go!!! We even made it to the semi finals on Monday and all played like woah (even though all of us had consumed way more the 10+ drinks the day before at the parade). 

So we're on the road to the finals, and today I recieved a disturbing e-mail, see below:

Hi Mike, was your team interested in moving up to A division for spring in Southie?

The top two teams in A are taking the spring off so you won't have to face them. I am asking your team and B3 (first place in B) to move up in those vacancies (B9 and B11 are not returning for spring).

Please confirm if you want to move up to A, I hope to have the new schedule done by Sunday.


Is that for REALSIES?  Hey guys, the best of the best are bowing out this season and you're the 4th best team of the pretty shitty teams(you got it, two teams of the unathletic teams are better than and aren't going to play), so you are MOVIN ON UP!!  It's almost like letting me have some playing time because allllll of the starting lineup is out with the swine flu.

My first thought was, no Kathy, we'd like to stay in the B league or better yet, quit your league all together because you just took the fun out of sports for me Kathy, you really did! 

But then I thought, Did Peter La Fleur and the Average Joe's backout of the dodgeball tournment when Troup 417 was disqualified? (obvi for testing positive for three separate types of anabolic steroids, and a low-grade beaver tranquilizer, God damn that Bernice!).  NO! they didn't!

So, I guess the answer is yes, Kathy we'll move up, AND stick it to you by winning the 'ship next week!Wish me luck team B-12 is gonna need it.


No comments: