Sunday, March 13, 2011

Yah, I'm the hottest girl in the bar...

A few years back Moose's friend Jac from the San Fran had what I can only describe as an "Aha-moment" and not the wholesome, Oprah type moment...

She described it like this: "Every time I go out, somewhere between 8 and 12 drinks I really, truly think I'm the hottest girl in the bar". 

Hysterical, I thought, what a character that Jac is!  Quite some time has passed since she told us about this, and I'd honestly never experienced this "hottest girl in the bar syndrome", until now.  Last night somewhere between 8 and 12 vodka cocktails, the feeling just took over.

 I thought I was the hottest girl at the god damn North Star in Boston, Massachusetts. 

With my exceptionally good-looking girl friends excluded, the female talent at the bar was not abundant.  I, however, certainly was not the best lookin' gal there (though my vodka filled brain told me otherwise). 

Let's paint the picture for ya....first off, Nugget and I bombed into the bar ready to rage.  We did not have a single dollar of ca$h on us.  Too lazy and cheap to walk to an ATM, we batted our eyelashes at the two bouncers and told them we would buy them shots if we didn't have to pay the cover.  IT WORKED,  no shots necessary.

We must be the hottest girls here. 

We b-lined for the bar, and Nugs orderd two shots of jose cuervo (really nugget?).  Cheap tequila shots are so sexy!

The beats were pumping so obvi we headed towards the dance floor.  Honest to blog I was dancing like I was the highest paid extra in j.lo's new video. 

I cannot dance.  Legitimately my staple dance moves are washing the windows, fist pumping and an intermittent twirl from whichever lucky dude gets to take me for a spin on the floor.  That is exactly what was happening, per usual, I just thought I looked damn good doing it.  There may or may not have been a booty drop sprinkled in the mix. Whoopsies.

So outside the bar, the weather last night was nothing short of amazing, it was probably 50 degrees!  Wonderful news as far as escaping the chilly winter, but terrible news for the temperature inside the bar.  Beads of sweat would be an understatement.  I was sweating like a Biggest Loser contestant on Week 1.

Somehow, I still thought I looked A-mazing...

This new-found confidence came to a screeching halt on my first visit to the bathroom.  This is when reality set  in.  My perfectly coiffed hair was now a sweat-filled frizzy mess that was stuck to my face.  The makeup I spent a solid 30 minutes putting on had all but disappeared.  I'm pretty sure I'd spilled some form of brown liquor on my new top. 

I longed to turn back time and get my hottest girl feeling back, but it was now just a distant memory from my past.  Instead of fixing myself up, this is the thought that went through my head (or the comment that was said out loud to the strangers in the bathroom with me...)

"When I open my own bar, I'm totally going to put fewer mirrors in it...".  


Know this: sometime in the future(it could even be years), however high or low your self-esteem may be, this will happen to you.  You won't see it coming, it will happen out of the blue, but when it does just embrace it.

The house of cards will all come falling down when you either A) Go to the bathroom (provided you are not at my awesome bar that doesn't have any mirors) or B) You see your mess of a self in photos that are streaming through the facebook mini-feed.

Good luck and god speed.


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