Monday, July 27, 2009

My Thoughts on Mario Kart for Nintendo Wii...

I hate Mario Kart for Nintendo Wii.

Well sure you get to grasp an actual wheel like you're really driving a car. I prefer the Super Nintendo version that us po' folks who couldn't get Sega, N64 etc. grew up with. That's right my first 'gaming system' was an old school nintendo and no, we didn't get another system after the '91-'93 Era. The best we did after that was Where in the World is Carmen San Diego on our old school desktop computer...but I digress.

Yes, there are now 12 racers vs. the previously allotted 8. And YES, I heard you, you can have your choice of almost 30 characters. You also get as your choice of car, bike, scooter, and various other off-roading vehicles.


The reason for my hatred is two-fold.

1. Price

Super Nintendo, went on the market back in 1991 at around $200 a pop. This came with two controllers and likely one or two games that weren't worth playing. Each individual game, worth playing, was probably somewhere between $15-$30.

Nintendo Wii, costs about $250. You think that's pretty cheap, right?

Not so:

- Systems come with 1 controller
- Each additional controller - about $40
- Bundle with Mario Kart game and 2 wheels $60.
- Each additional wheel - $10-20

SO if you wanted to play Mario Kart with 4 players it would cost you (at least) $450. Plus the cost of a big screen - because if you think you can play with four players on your 26" you are sorely mistaken. Plus the cost of bud lights(or heavies) - because, let's get real, if you're playing video games at this age, you better be drinking while you're doing it.

Considering I didn't actually buy the Wii that is in my apartment, or any of the games we can move on...

2. Morals/Ethics

What does Mario Kart teach you?

Well first off, it teaches you to quit. Well, I guess the game makes you 'involuntarily' quit if you are that far behind in all of the other non-computer generated racers.

The lesson this tells kids is: If you're not going to win, it's not worth finishing the race. You should just stop and not finish your last two laps.

That would be the equivalent of telling your kid:"Hey Jimmy if you're team is losing 5-1 just sit down on the ice and don't finish the last 3 minutes off the game. And if you feel like crying, that's alright too".

Yes the characters occasionally cry (this happpens in Super Nintendo too if my memory servces me right). and I agree with you, it's Bullsh*t.

2. Not only does Mario Kart for Wii teach you to quit, it teaches you to cheat.

I guess cheating isn't the way to describe it, more like enabling.

Back in the day when I played on Super Nintendo the best you could do if you were absolutely blowing it in 8th place was "power-up" and get a star that sped you up a little bit, or a lightening bolt that shrunk your opponents for a few short seconds. No no, Nintendo for Wii takes it to a whole new level.

They've added the "Mega Mushroom" where you grow to an enormous size and flatten other racers, the "POW BLOCK" that sends a shockwave spinning opponents out of control and causes them to lose their items, and the Lightening Cloud (similar to the lightening bolt).

Do these "special powers remind you of anything??

Yea that's right, Wii is telling us we should juice.

But these small enablers pale in comparison to "Bullet Bill".

Bullet Bill is the "power-up" for the slacker. Or maybe just the person that you would classify as highly unskilled. It seems although I dominated at Super Nintendo, I'm way behind with the new techonology (a-yo). If you suck at the game, are in 12th place, and miraculously drive into a question box, 9 out of 10 times (not actual statistics) you will get said bullet.

First off, back in the days of Nintendo (that's right the original) the only bullets that were good were the red ones that mario shot off his body...the 'bullet bills' were the enemy. Secondly, this former foe is now enabling you to go from 12th to sometimes 3rd place. And lastly, it pisses me right off that cheating is condoned. Anyone who said "cheaters never prosper" sure as hell never played Nintendo Wii.

So I guess the bottom line is, as much as I tweet, blog, IM, BMM, gchat, facebook stalk, search TMZ & people, I miss the good old days. You know when and a girl and her friends were on the hunt for Carmen San Diego because she stole Plymouth Rock from Massachusetts or Dorothy's shoes from Kansas. The good guy (me) catches the bad guy (carmen & her cronies) and that's that. But I guess we can't stop these times from a changin'...

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