Monday, April 13, 2009

Ahhh?!?! jorts season is coming in hot...

Okay so I’m really cutting it down to the wire here. It’s almost June and I’m not in my jean shorts (jorts) quite yet.

Today, I logged on to It has this lovely feature called the “daily plate”. You can literally search for the food you have eaten and it calculates # calories, fat, carbs etc. It also tells you, based on your goals, how many calories you have left to eat. Impressive? Absolutely.

Now, compared to yesterday, where I think I actually ate my own body weight in Easter candy, I was doing extremely well today! But BAM…I went into a meeting….a lovely co-worker had actually made a strawberry Cheesecake Cake…yes that's right, a cake, that has cheese cake in it..from scratch to add insult to injury. That threw quite the wrench in the plan but it was well worth it.

Not knowing what went into this cake exactly, I decided
to go big with the "cake" choice I entered into my daily plate. I thought go on the high end right…so I chose the 400 calorie slice(it's completely possible that that was dead on). Unfortunately, that only left me with 118 calories left on the day. DAMN homie.

But alas! I hadn’t added my physical activity/exercise to my “plate”. Sweet!

I mean, it being Monday and after my indulgencee yesterday, I was obvi going to hit up the JCC(my gym previously mentioned in disgruntled worker). Mondays I go to boot camp. I know, I know I’m a has been. I used to bomb around a lacrosse field with young folks and now I’m bee-bopping over a step trying to keep up with the 50-60 yr. old women out-bopping me. It's sad but true, I literally had to take a knee at my first class…. Regardless according to the site this lovely activity allegedly burns over 500 calories…HOLLER! Now the list of “activities” really got me thinking…

I don’t have the sturdiest of hips…I won’t be able to run, or even bop up and down on a hardwood floor for the rest of my life…like Shakira said, the hips don't lie. How will I be able to eat that delicious piece of cake in 10 or even 20 yrs you ask? Well I think I've come up with an interesting solution or two...

If you did all of the following activities(each for one hour):


Did Arts & Crafts Sitting


a car
Played horseshoes

Played the piano

Layed quietly

And Chewed gum

You would burn 974 calories…WOWZA
Don’t have 8 hours on your hands? Cut it in half…you could still fit in that piece of cake with room to spare…my only problem is I don’t think I could lay quietly for a full hour..unless it’s in the middle of the night when I’m actually sleeping…

Upon further investigation…doing absolutely nothing…actually burns 72 calories/hr (listening to music, watching tv etc) provided you do not fall asleep in the process. This would unfortunately scale back your calories burned by a solid 6/hour if you are not awake.

Okay, so your not that lazy, I get my dismay taking care/riding a horse actually burns an obscene amount of calories. If you do not understand my disdain for horses please see Phobia-Shmobia, I think not

The following activities burn the corresponding # of calories riding – 311, galloping – 588, grooming – 257, saddling – 257, trotting – 478, walking – 191. I'm unsure if you would actually spend an hour "saddling" a horse but either way..atta boy Seabiscuit…

note: horses are much less
ary when painted

Moving on, I decided I might take this to a new level. Apparently light hugging burns
73 calories/hr. So, effectively, if I hugged every person I saw for the entire day thus far for one full minute…I would have already burned almost 50 calories…slowly but surely chipping away at that XL slice of cake right?

More or less, what I'm trying to say is if I can slip into those jean shorts and drink a Budweiser or 6 by giving awkward 3-4 minute hugs to unknowing individuals…I’m totally down.

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