Friday, September 25, 2009

Let's Clear Up the Rumors...

Last night I cleared up any rumors that I was in fact a single, straight, smart female.

I will confirm the two facts from that sentence that cannot be negated: I am single, and female (I promise you)

As you know I'm a has-been that takes part in many adult sport-leagues (softball, soccer, lacrosse, and kickball).

Since I used to be so athletic, I was asked to pitch. I was doing pretty well, pitching but most of their 'kickers' were booting it to the outfield, so I hadn't seen much action.

And then, with 2 outs in the 5th inning I pitched a beaut out to one of the chicks on their team. The ball shot in the air about waist height to the right of me. Immediately, my former goalie instincts kicked in. I full out DOVE to catch the ball. Not wanting to pin it to the ground, I sacrificed my body and landed right on the elbow. My teammates on the sideline went wild. I think someone actually said "save that one for sports center" (call me full of myself if you want, but I was and am going to bask in my glory).

Unfortunately my big play couldn't save the game. I continued to remind my team, "Did I say I hate losing?", hence the fact that it's likely I came off as the token butch lezi.

We headed to the bar to ease our pain with some bud light and I headed to powder my nose. I sneaked around towards the backroom of the bar. As I rounded the corner in my college embroidered half-zip sweatshirt, I saw well dressed business people with name-tags. They were engaging in small talk in what was a reunion-like fashion. As I looked up I saw a "Columbia University" flag, and the title of their little networking event on the bar chalkboard.

Eff. They looked at me, grass stained, sweaty, in what might as well have been a "Proud to be a Phoenix" half-zip sweatshirt. And thus I dispelled any inkling that I might be "smart".

So I licked my wounds and ordered a can of Narragansett (which by the way attracts just as many if not more dudes that when chicks drink Budweiser). so until next time,

Hi Neighbor!



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