When a pickle ain't a pickle

I wouldn't by any means call myself a picky eater. But there are a few things that don't exactly float my boat.

1) Pepsi. When I'm out a restaurant, and I order a coke and the waitress says "Is Pepsi okay?" my actual answer is "Eff no, pepsi is not okay!" But I usually respond with a "that's fine".

2) Effing up my coffee. First, If I ask for skim milk, don't pour the 1% in right in front of me and act like you gave me what I ordered. and second it's not kosher to give me just ice, milk and splenda...coffee not included...

3) When a pickle ain't a pickle. Dear Office Building Cafeteria Staff - if your pickles are white and more of a cucumber than a pickle, don't serve me one. Once you've put it on my plate and I see that it is more white than green it's too late. I know this will not compliment my sandwich, but I will give you the benefit of the doubt and take a bite. And time after time I discover that it ain't quite a pickle. Please get them to their appropriate 'pickelocity'* or don't serve me one at all. xoxo poppirinccess

*this is a made up word

I'd like to note that I never actually complain about any of these things as a customer, I just bitch about it to my friends (and ever-so loyal readers). But I guess I'm still a creature of habit and if I'm letting a pickle ruin my day I need to reevaluate my life...