Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Are You a Swimfan?

Swimfan. You’ve seen the movie. You know that bitch was effing crazy.

We used to joke with one of my friends that she was swimfan. …so maybe she knew exactly where on Google-Map the boy she was crushing on’s house was…and maybe she knew where his dad worked…and that his little sister had the sniffles (okay, okay a bit much, I obv agree—I think we may have had a problem on our hands) but regardless…with the increase in technology many of us, myself included, become a swimfan without even having an inkling of wanting to stalk anyone, ever.

Take scenario 1:

You go to work, and you ask your co-worker how their weekend was. Thing is, you already knew. You saw that she was skiing in New Hampshire, or got kicked out of the Pour House for yelling at the bartender, or that she got a new puppy. It’s not your fault. He or she put those pictures up, or got tagged in them, it popped up on your mini-feed, and you clicked, innocently enough. But, since it is clearly not socially acceptable to admit that, yes, you already knew all of these events happened, you begrudgingly reply as if this is completely new information to you.

Scenario 2:

You and “the girls” don’t know where to go for the night. You read on [insert girl you absolutely despise name here]’s away message that they were going to [insert god aweful bar name here]. So you try to avoid the previously chosen bar at all costs. But somehow you end up there. You run into god-aweful girl. “OMG, I had no idea you girls would be here!”. So now you’re a stalker and liar. Again it’s not your fault.

Scenario 3:

Office Gossip. Okay I heard this girl’s boyfriend got mugged over the weekend, first thing Tuesday morning. Then, not more than 5 minutes ago, I heard it straight from the horse’s mouth, “Ya well [John/Bill/Bob/Steve] got mugged and assaulted on Comm. Ave this past weekend”. Then I heard it again with even more info, from someone else, regarding the items were stolen (watch and wallet). Keep in mind, no one was ever, directly speaking to me about this situation. I could tell the whole story as if the kid were my brother. Not my fault.

You, me, your brother, your boyfriend, and even your 9-year old cousin Susie are enabling those unintential swimfans nationwide. We update our facebook status (even via our blackberry or other mobile device), we put up away messages, we don’t use 6 inch voices in the office. Then we have the audacity to complain about how nothing is private anymore.

You put your stuff out there, you wore your heart on your sleeve... So unless she has your house pulled up on Google Map, knows your Social Security Number and blood-type, she's a nice enough girl that was just a little bored on a Sunday so spent an hour or four surfin' the book or didn't have her headphones blaring at the highest volume at work...give the chick a break.

No comments: