Thursday, February 5, 2009

Why am I Single?

If you know me, you most likely see on a day-to-day or weekend-to-weekend basis the reasons why I am so very single. But if you don't let's just say to an undiscerning eye, I am quite the catch. But I consider myself a decently self aware person, and if you looked deeper, if you spent even one night out with me it is likely that you could count these might even run out of fingers...

For the eternally single girl (dubbed this by my ever-so-kind twin sister), another Valentine's day is inevitably looming. Girls will get flowers and chocolates (hopefully not at work, thank G it's a Saturday), lovey dovey couples will plan their dinners and weekend get-aways etc. etc. We single ladies will take this time to reflect on the past year, or even years, and pose the question: "Why am I Single?".

Most girls think: "Well if I lose 10 pounds, if I wasn't so needy, if I didn't find something wrong with EVERY guy I went out with...". But for me, I utter the above listed phrase far too often, in jest, but in truth, the reasons are far too obvious to ignore…

I have a blind, anorexic, senile cat who I adore. I was once told in college that I may grow up to be a cat lady.

Pop Music
Girls Just Want to Have Fun is on every single mix CD I have ever made. I now have the Miley Cyrus Version on my iPod (I bet you didn't even know there was one). I own 2 out of the 3 High School Musical DVDS. I own a HSM shirt. Let's just stop there.

Crime Shows
I watch more Spike TV than any dude. Probably because without fail at any point in the day there is an episode of CSI on. I was once asked to log the number of crime show hours I watch per week. I stopped after two days out of sheer embarrassment.

At college, in Vermont (red flag: is she a lesbian?)

I know things about facebook people don't even care to know and spend and obscene amount of time on it. I've been told I should be in a commercial for it.

I may or may not have any knowledge in my own head. If I don't know something...I absolutely and positively will google it (even if I am out to dinner and I am creeping under the table on my blackberry).

Ladylike? Beer belly? Longing desire to drink Budweiser.

Lack of Fashion Sense
jeans+sneaks+hat=Lesbian Lumberjack

Not even close to an interest. I am messy. Hygiene excluded, I enjoy 1-2 showers/day, neatness doesn't even come close to a blip on the radar.

Okay these aren't interests we must move on...

I make out in public.

I have made out with my twin's gay friend in public in order to make her mad...I did not kiss a girl and like it but I somehow deemed it appropriate to exchange hickeys with public...okay I've toned down since college...

I'm looking for love in all the wrong placesss

#1 the bar
#2 I wouldn't mind fishing off the company pier
#3 my alma mater (Blackout makeout does not count as a relationship and are you [insert college initials/nickname here] dating? doesn't either)

A picture is worth a thousand words...

A friend was chatting with someone who did not know me well, they inquired about my boyfriend. Stunned, the guy replied, "Boyfriend? Have you ever seen the girl drink a beer?"
I can drink a full pint glass of beer, with no hands. A trick my lacrosse captain taught me (lezis??).


If I am not mistaken for a lesbian lumberjack, I may be found as Sleeping Beauty or Eve.

I both dance in public and have public dance-offs...without proper training or respect for those watching.

I went to McDonald's like this....and I definitely made out that night.

I clearly don't agree with or understand the concept of dressing sexy/slutty/half naked on Halloween.

Okay, enough is enough, you get the idea. So I hope, for my own sake that I am not in fact eternally single. And all things considered, aside from desperately wanting to slip into my jean shorts and grab a Budweiser, I still think I could be a catch for somebody. God bless that lucky fella.

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